The Toughest Week

I would genuinely say that this week is one of the hardest. Problems visit like a flood, not giving me some time to breathe. However, I fortunately feel okay, considering it as a process that can make me stronger.

First, my boss decided to cut off my salary this morning because of giving the batiks that I should make into office's uniform into my friend from Philippine. I did it because I felt bad to invite him to my pesantren without handing over such souvenir. I thought that I can buy it another batiks which has similar pattern (kawung) at Beringharjo market. However, my boss had different view and the result is that he punished me by cutting my salary as a substitute to price of batiks he provided to me. It is rather funny I guess, but I will not make a mess with that small problem. I should fully accept it as a risk when I hand my office's gift into other.

Second, I failed to secure some money to pay rent for the house. Therefore, I turn up into the last choice to solve: asking my parents to lend me bucks. In some parts, I feel I am useless kid who always disturbs my beloved parents. However, I had no better choice, believing that this act is justifiable to amend. I just lend their money, not ask. I promise that I can give it back to them, and make them proud.

Third, when talking about making my parents proud, I told them that I am in the process of applying scholarship to one distinguished university in Netherlands. However, God still loves me by sending me an email, in a beautiful morning, from the Graduate Committee, saying that I am not selected as one of their candidates to be interviewed. At first, it hit me hard, like there is nothing that I can do but being silent and stunned. I feel like my day has been stopped and there is no future. It is okay, then. I need to wake up and be more motivated. I then forwarded it into my supervisor candidate, telling that I have failed and need to go into my Plan B; finding scholarship from my government.

Fourth, realizing that my closest dream has faded away, I know that there is still long way to reach it. For some points, it makes me sad since I could not make my families proud as soon as possible. However, I need to be strong and stay focused on reaching my dreams. I know that God loves me so much and he needs me to try harder and the best.

I wish that this bitter week will not last, and change into another sweeter week. If not, then I should be more patient, then. Insya Allah.